Moogie
12-17-2002, 03:57 PM
UNEXPECTED HOLIDAY MERGER
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press
conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An
industry source said that the deal had been in the
works about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is
believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days
of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming
prohibitive for both sides.
By combining forces, we're told, the world will be
able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during
the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is
being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the
letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be
replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a
wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle
happened there," the message on the dreidel will be
the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed
to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement
for at least three hundred years was the question of
whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A
breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally
declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about
this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will
help to maintain the competitive balance. He then
closed the press conference by leading all present in
a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press
conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An
industry source said that the deal had been in the
works about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is
believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days
of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming
prohibitive for both sides.
By combining forces, we're told, the world will be
able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during
the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is
being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the
letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be
replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a
wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle
happened there," the message on the dreidel will be
the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed
to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement
for at least three hundred years was the question of
whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A
breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally
declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about
this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will
help to maintain the competitive balance. He then
closed the press conference by leading all present in
a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.