Driving

[Moogie]

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and cried, "Holy Crap! Am I driving?"

[IronBits]

You're killing me, my sides ache! :D

A middle-age fellow and long-time welfare recipient, walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job.

The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter.
You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided.
Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays.
The salary package is $200,000 a year.".

The welfare recipient said, "You're bull shitting me man!"
...
...
...

The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"

[IronBits]

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Moogie.
She was a pilot in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'till the blade broke, then, she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Moogie when she's been drinking."
/me slaps knee :D

[Supp]

Wasn't Aunt Moogie from Russia?
Strong as grizzly and drinks a lot :D

Hey, that one was cool IronBits.

[Moogie]

Originally posted by IronBits


"Stay the hell away from Aunt Moogie when she's been drinking."
/me slaps knee :D

LOL! Now where'd you get a hold of that story? I thought I had all the references burned. :D

:rotfl: