Moogie
02-16-2003, 01:10 PM
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
------------------------------------------------------
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
------------------------------------------------------------
A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side
before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically and
asked, "Why does it have to be a secret?"
---------------------------------------------------------
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
------------------------------------------------------------
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down
at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and
continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you please tie my shoe?"
--------------------------------------------------------
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said,.........."What'd he do?"
---------------------------------------------------
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
-----------------------------------------------
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "Because, Daddy, you know that it always
gives you a headache the next morning."
----------------------------------------------------
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the
Faaaather...............and unto the Sonnnn.........and into the hole
he gooooes."
-----------------------------------------------------
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
- and they won't let me talk!"
------------------------------------------------
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear."
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
------------------------------------------------------
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
------------------------------------------------------------
A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side
before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically and
asked, "Why does it have to be a secret?"
---------------------------------------------------------
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
------------------------------------------------------------
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down
at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and
continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you please tie my shoe?"
--------------------------------------------------------
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said,.........."What'd he do?"
---------------------------------------------------
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
-----------------------------------------------
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "Because, Daddy, you know that it always
gives you a headache the next morning."
----------------------------------------------------
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the
Faaaather...............and unto the Sonnnn.........and into the hole
he gooooes."
-----------------------------------------------------
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
- and they won't let me talk!"
------------------------------------------------
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear."