new years resolution

**Anarchy99** · 01-03-2004, 11:52 AM

I have done some deep insightful soul searching the past few days and have just completed my personal inventory of goals and desires for my life as it pertains to the new year and this is what I have come up with......

I have discovered that I have a deep seeded and emotionally debilitating hate for other people, any other people, all people in-fact

I have after some serious thought and calculation come up with what I can only assume to be the true law of the universe and that is that I am better than everyone around me at any given moment in time

when in the room of my choice I am the smartest, and all other forms of life are beneath me

I do not blame everyone else for this fact and will try not to focus my elitist disgust to-wards any one individual (except that damn fozzie)(why wont you just die)(you are like a rash from Okinawa)

so seeing as how I have reached true enlightenment and am superior to all other forms of life I would like to afford this opportunity to let you all know how the universe works

if there is a bright center to the universe and it is the equivalent to all knowing omniscient power than all other forms of life besides myself are on the far side of the farthest planet from that bright center

I am a flowing ball of light, there are no questions only answers

I am the fountain from which all knowledge flows

I am the scale by which all is measured

please do not be intimidated by my new found place in the hierarchy of the food chain, I being the mass of all knowledge that exists realize that the little people make it possible for me to measure my greatness against the galactic failure that is everyone else but me

I will try to pass on what little knowledge the lesser forms of life can comprehensively deal with and the others that just don't get it can deal with their lesser positions in my universe the best they can

It is my hope that we can all just get along and that your jealousy of me will not cause me to remove you from my social circle

now that we have cleared that up, you may still address me as A99 or anarchy99 or anarchy there will be no need to further my greatness with a title that only reinforces my superior position to your lesser one

now you can all start PMing me for my DF handle one at a time so I can begin my reign over the huddle masses of knowledge seeking lemmings and will also be able to document the faithful followers of my cult from the evil infidels who wish to destroy my utopia with their knowledge sucking negative learning curve

I will from time to time let you all know how your meaningless lives are to be affected by my greatness in posts that we will call "the world according to A99"

I would like to end todays lesson with a little pat on the back and a thank you for your support

have a nice day

A99

**Paratima** · 01-03-2004, 12:03 PM

Well! That certainly clears up some questions I had about life, the universe, and everything! In fact, I think this answers several questions we ALL probably had.

Good to hear from Your Supreme Amazingness.

**tim** · 01-03-2004, 12:30 PM

Ahh, now I can relax. I can live my pitiful existence in peace, knowing the true order of all things. Who needs religion? Who needs politics? Who needs social order? A99 is the real opiate of the masses.

**Anarchy99** · 01-03-2004, 12:58 PM

tim and paratima are now examples of how to stay in the social circle

you would all do well to follow there lead

A99

**Chinasaur** · 01-03-2004, 01:58 PM

D00d,

You have seemed sooo familiar until I figured out who you were!!

You are a horrible blending of Dr X and the protaganist from Queensryche's Operation:Mindcrime!!! Somehow you have managed to liberate yourself from the CD and insinuate yourself into the fabric of our dimension.

What's next... Cthulhu Returns????

**Fozzie** · 01-03-2004, 02:33 PM

I remember what they told me, I can't remember yesterday I just remember doing what they told me..

A most excellent album.

Anarchy my old mate, keep your delusions while you may until I trample all over you on my way to DF top 10.

And remember don't trust the needle, it lies.

**Anteraan** · 01-03-2004, 03:01 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Anarchy99
tim and paratima are now examples of how to stay in the social circle

you would all do well to follow there lead

A99

You know, I was really, really, REALLY starting to believe all this... :bs: and then you go and use the wrong form of "there".

In best "voice of God"
Therefore, I order you to acquiesce as I lay claim to your title. You may also turn over all your boxen to me. Once you do, you may bow before my feet.

<------ A99

Very good, A99. I see that you take direction well. The future may yet be bright for you.

**Anteraan** · 01-03-2004, 03:30 PM

Scary, isn't it?

**Anarchy99** · 01-03-2004, 04:18 PM

once again little words and bright colored pictures to pierce the fog of intellectual confusion that leads the un-gifted through the knowledge like a light at the end of the speak n spell tunnel ride at the please help me gain an IQ point child day care center in the I cant exist without guidance part of town

we must remember that the true voice of god cant be heard by the unworthy so the message must be delivered by messenger in a form that the unworthy can hear......

so is the non grammatical message I send to the lesser forms so as to reach them before they are expunged from the social circle

if you are the few that are capable of grasping the grammatical value of a message count yourselves lucky that you were advanced up the hierarchy of knowledge with out earning it

some of you will grasp the message and will see that it is not of harvard standard and yet others will be glad that the message came in a written form that was recognizable to them

those of you who have decided to test the boundaries of the social circle can now go to the end of the line and try again where as the rest of the lemmings are doing amazing things like forming straight lines and bowing to authority without question

*(just to let you all know this delusion of grandeur thing is kinda cool)*

it is lonely at the top, but I suffer for the good of the not so gifted

still waiting for the PM's to roll in as you will need my handle to produce DF under the anarchy99 title

A99

**Chinasaur** · 01-03-2004, 04:39 PM

The thing that sends shivers down my spine, other than drinking cold Corona on a winter day, is this simple fact:

He's not acting

I wonder is this is how Ted Kaczynski got his start.

**Moogie** · 01-03-2004, 06:17 PM

Oh my A99...you are most gracious to allow us to walk in your shadow. I worship your feet and will gladly cleanse them (lye, fire, burning oil) after you spend a tedious day tending to your minions.

I am at peace with knowing that you think you rule the universe.

In other words,

"You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good."

I hope this helps...

(you know we love you right?)

**willy1** · 01-03-2004, 06:35 PM

E-Gads!

The Morgster must have gotten a new Thesaurus under her southern Christmas tree

Too bad we're not afraid of those colonial blowhards over here.

BTW, it's "deep-seated" , unless you're a garden plot.

Willy1 (alias Red Willie )
enjoying my plum pudding in front of the electric fire

**Anarchy99** · 01-03-2004, 09:40 PM

Originally posted by Anarchy99
we must remember that the true voice of god cant be heard by the unworthy so the message must be delivered by messenger in a form that the unworthy can hear......

so is the non grammatical message I send to the lesser forms so as to reach them before they are expunged from the social circle

if you are the few that are capable of grasping the grammatical value of a message count yourselves lucky that you were advanced up the hierarchy of knowledge with out earning it

some of you will grasp the message and will see that it is not of harvard standard and yet others will be glad that the message came in a written form that was recognizable to them

and now we go here

Those who pine for the oral cultures of Ye Olden Dayes can rejoice as we enter an era where many people are unfamiliar with common expressions in print and know them only by hearsay.* The result is mistakes like "deep seeded." The expression has nothing to do with a feeling being planted deep within one, but instead refers to its being seated firmly within one's breast: "My aversion to anchovies is deep-seated." Compounding their error, most people who misuse this phrase leave the hyphen out. Tennis players may be seeded, but not feelings.

*The notion that English should be spelled as it is pronounced is widespread, but history is against the reformers in most cases. Pronunciation is often a poor guide to spelling. The veneration of certain political movements for the teaching of reading through phonics is nicely caricatured by a t-shirt slogan I've seen: "Hukt awn fonix."

once again my superior intellect is called upon to help avert a blind leading the blind into oncoming traffic

we (meaning I) understand the use of this term but it was necessary to use a neanderthal knuckles dragging in the dirt connection so as to get my point across to the huddled masses drooling and fighting the urge to point and say "look at the pretty colors"

(given my mental state and obvious superiority complex assisted by delusions of grandeur you really shouldn't take me so seriously, but given my also quickly decaying mental stability you probably shouldn't ignore me either)

(cool an enigma: a person of puzzling or contradictory character)

A99

**cygnussphere** · 01-04-2004, 12:03 AM

All Your Base... Base...Base... All Your base are belong to us
You are on your way too distruction....
You have no chance too survive... Make your time...

**Chinasaur** · 01-04-2004, 12:04 AM

What you say?!!!

**dragongoddess** · 01-04-2004, 03:09 AM

And your point is? That is if there is one!

**tim** · 01-04-2004, 11:00 AM

if I may be so bold as to put words into His Mightiness's mouth . . .

A99 sez
Here I am, I'm the master of your destiny,
I am the only one, I am the god of kingdom come,
Gimme the prize, just gimme the prize,
Give me your kings, let me squeeze them in my hands,
Your puny princes,
You so-called leaders of your land,
I'll eat them whole before I'm done,
The battle's fought and the game is won,
I am the one the only one,
I am the god of kingdom come,
Gimme the prize, just gimme the prize,
Move over, I said move over,
Hey, hey, hey, clear the way,
There's no escape from my authority - I tell you -
I am the one the only one, I am the god of kingdom come,
Gimme the prize. Just gimme the prize,
I am the one the only one,
I am the god of kingdom come,
Gimme the prize.
- THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

**Anarchy99** · 01-04-2004, 11:45 AM

YA THATS IT

we'll chop off heads as a tribute to my omniscient all encompassing un-merciful grasp of that is or ever will be

tim makes the next level of social circle status and gets a gold star while at the same time moves to the back of the line for getting his head chopped off

but loses points for not letting the idea be mine so now he moves to the middle of the head chopping line and moves one level down on the social circle chart while having to eat the gold star

its a tough gig being in charge but it is good to be king

**Chinasaur** · 01-04-2004, 01:13 PM

Cold. Yeah, it was cold...

The kind of cold that makes you wrinkle your eyes and your lungs feel like theyve been been hit by a frozen blowtorch when you breathe. The snow was falling thick and fast as I plodded onward. Snowshoes do not look cool. They are not cool to use. They do however work after a fashion. Snowshoe up, forward and down. Then the other leg. Forward. All that mattered was forward progress. Keep moving.

My destination was a long way from anywhere. By design. The people that built the facility knew they didnt want any of what was contained inside let loose on an unsuspecting population. The design was supposed to be insurance against anything going wrong and something bad getting out. They were wrong. All of them. Dead wrong.

Id been travelling a day and a night to get here. I knew something terrible had happened as soon as I had been put on alert. Communications had ceased with the facility and the nearest town could not be reached either. Whatever had been released had acted swiftly.

Before I boarded the Lear, I made a call to Scotland to a specialist I had worked with in the past for this type of plague. I was sure to need his services before this was over.

I had been walking for four hours now through drifted snow. The nearest town was indeed deserted. Whatever had struck here had done its damage swiftly and moved on. A Ghost Town. I had looked for survivors but found none. Not even a Kruller remained in the bake shop.

So there I was, slogging. For four hours now.

And then, there IT was.

Dark, forbidding, foreboding, slightly in need of a sand blasting.

The place I had travelled 9,000 miles to get to, and the place I least wanted to be just now.

Crunchmoor Asylum

To be continued...

**Chinasaur** · 01-04-2004, 04:45 PM

My worst fears were realized. I was in Hell.

Hell is not a warm place. Hell is cold.

And Crunchmoor was very cold, and very empty.

I had slogged my way through the January snow to a side entrance, taken off the snowshoes and slipped inside the asylum. Making my way to what had previously been a hidden control room, I could survey the entire facility via closed circuit cameras. They confirmed my worst fears.

The Asylum was empty. All doors to all the inmate rooms were thrown wide open. All the windows were open in an attempt to heat the outdoors. And all the beds were unmade.

I walked, as in a horrible dream, from one floor to the next, in a vain hope of finding at least one looney still happily ensconced in his/her room. I hoped in vain. All was empty and cold as the wind whistled through the empty hallways.

I made my way down the winding stairs to the basement to see about starting the boilers, when I heard a faint moaning. I froze. And I didnt move either.

I tiptoed to the source of the sound, a disused coal room. Opening the door, my mind struggled to comprehend what I saw.

In the middle of the cavernous room was a huge ball of Silly Putty with heads and arms sticking out of it.

I had found the Asylum Staff.

My professional estimate put the total weight at 70,000 pounds of Silly Putty. What fiend had encased these people in this substance? And, adding insult to injury, had impressed the worst of the worst comics in the world onto the Silly Putty so the staff would have to stare at them during their confinement?

I peeled out the first people so they could in turn free their comrades. After all were freed, I looked, but could not find Dr Fozzie among the SP victims. Saddened, I went upstairs and outside so I could make a call.

As I dialed my satellite phone, I glanced up and saw the approaching helicopter. I grinned and put my phone away. I was betting person I was calling was on that chopper. It landed and he got out carrying a long, flat black case. At this distance, I couldnt exactly make out his features, but I was betting it wasnt Eddie Van Halen. As he got closer I grinned. It was who I was expecting, and I was hoping he had the $75 bucks he owed me.

Some called him strange. Some said he belonged in a Zoo. All I knew was that he was the best shot in the world with a tranquilizer gun at long range, and that he would be needed before this episode was over.

I stuck out my hand at his approach and said `Good to see you Gopher`.

**************

The Asylum personnel freed, our task was to mobilize the Forces Of Good to pursue, capture and return our Quarry.

From a distance, the activity at Crunchmoor would seem to be a giant black cloud of moving specks. Only later, as two distinct groups formed and moved out, would one have been able to make out one large group of Black Helicopters flying in formation; and one large group of Black Chevy Suburbans beneath them.

The Hunt was on.

**excaliber** · 01-04-2004, 10:03 PM

Originally posted by Chinasaur
Hell is not a warm place. Hell is cold.

And here, o great Anarchy99, I may refute your claims and assume godliness instead. For Hell is not in fact cold. Hell is hot, exothermic. Observe:

A Thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student however wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate of souls that are moving into Hell and the rate that they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for the souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With the birth rates and death rates what they are, we can project that the souls entering Hell will increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities

#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter, then the temperature and pressure will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls into Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Bayan during my freshman year, that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you"; and take into account the fact that I have still not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true.
So Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

http://www.fredlet.com/funny/hell.htm

I rest my case and assume your godly position atop the chain of power.

**Anteraan** · 01-04-2004, 10:59 PM

...that quote was from Chinasaur, not A99.

Great story too. It has been some time since I'd seen it, but it's always funny.

**excaliber** · 01-05-2004, 06:30 AM

Originally posted by Anteraan
...that quote was from Chinasaur, not A99.

Great story too. It has been some time since I'd seen it, but it's always funny.

Damn, your right.

/me goes back to being sub-god

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new years resolution

I remember now

A humble tribute . . .

Part II

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