Moogie
06-24-2002, 02:06 PM
1st DEGREE: A married couple was asleep when the
telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife
(undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone,
listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know;
some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE: Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde
hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
3rd DEGREE: A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She
goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse
to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to
her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do
it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE: A blonde was bragging about her knowledge
of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh
that's easy: W."
5th DEGREE: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he
told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
6th DEGREE: A blonde had just totaled her car in a
horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry
herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper
arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine"
the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this
happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked
car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde
began. "I was driving along this road when from out of
nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved
to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to the
left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said,
cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for
30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back
and forth."
7th DEGREE: Returning home from work, a blonde was
shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the
house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on
the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face
in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife
(undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone,
listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know;
some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE: Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde
hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
3rd DEGREE: A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She
goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse
to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to
her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do
it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE: A blonde was bragging about her knowledge
of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh
that's easy: W."
5th DEGREE: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he
told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
6th DEGREE: A blonde had just totaled her car in a
horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry
herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper
arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine"
the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this
happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked
car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde
began. "I was driving along this road when from out of
nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved
to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to the
left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said,
cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for
30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back
and forth."
7th DEGREE: Returning home from work, a blonde was
shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the
house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on
the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face
in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"