Moogie
05-11-2003, 02:06 PM
When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who
died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming, like all the passengers
in her car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man was sitting in class when the professor
asked him if he knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was. He sat
quietly, pondering this very profound question. Finally, after
giving it a lot of thought, he
sighed and said, "I think this was the decision George
Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice. "
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me
beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the
art."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty ," he answered,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument,
and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed
a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."
died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming, like all the passengers
in her car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man was sitting in class when the professor
asked him if he knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was. He sat
quietly, pondering this very profound question. Finally, after
giving it a lot of thought, he
sighed and said, "I think this was the decision George
Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice. "
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me
beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the
art."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty ," he answered,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument,
and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed
a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."